Chertoff speaks to the Heritage Foundation

The headline alone should strike fear and loathing in the heart of any right thinking American. At any rate, I have slogged through a massive, steaming pile of Chertoff B.S. such as "this is therefore a good opportunity for me to talk about three areas which I think will be the critical points of triangulation in terms of our next year of opportunity and challenge at the Department of Homeland Security" to bring you this summary:
 

• The Katrina disaster was the fault of state and local government. There's nothing in the Constitution that requires the federal government to get involved. It's a state and local problem, and that's just "common sense."
   
• The Katrina disaster was the fault of individual Americans who didn't take responsibility for their own preparations. People must "discharge their civil responsibility" to have plenty of food, water, medicine, radios, and internet access on hand in case of an emergency.
   
• The Katrina disaster was a one-off, an anomaly, you know, out of the ordinary. Nothing learned from Katrina is applicable to "ordinary disasters."
   
• FEMA was prepared, but will be even more prepared for the upcoming hurricane season, but no one can predict whether it will be better or worse than last year. (Oh, and the first hurricane won't necessarily strike on June 1st. That's just the start of hurricane season. The first hurricane could strike after June 1st. There could be lots of them. Apparently hurricanes do not operate on a rigid schedule, thus making them more difficult to anticipate and respond to.)
   
• FEMA is going to contract UPS to track water and supplies with barcodes and stuff, similar to how they track tennis shoes. Or something like that.
   
• FEMA will get some of these newfangled computers (by way of "effort contracts that give us a surge capability") to track victims and their claims.
   
• FEMA will outsource taking out the trash to local firms, unless the Corps of Engineers is needed.
   
• DHS is going to upgrade and improve communications capabilities for first responders. (Didn't Bush say back on 9/12/2001 that he would do that? What's taking so long?)
  
  There's more stuff about immigration and port security, but this was about all I could take. You're on your own, but be forewarned that your blood will be boiling as a result of either a) the tone of his remarks, b) the substance of his remarks, or c) the rich, complex layers of Byzantine bureaucrat-speak, or d) all of the above.
  
  OK, then.
  
  P.S. The number one improvement the Bush administration could make at DHS and FEMA would be to accept Chertoff's resignation forthwith.