Ms. Antoinette’s Version of the Rabbit and the Turtle

There’s this lady in the Treme section of New Orleans that has about twenty-seven or twenty-eight grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren living in the neighborhood. I don’t know how many more they have living in other places. Ms. Antoinette Smith Lafontaine Gex McIntyre de Castro Johnson says she’s already buried five husbands and don’t need no more men in her life than she’s got already.

Ms. Antoinette lives on one side of a Creole cottage on St. Claude Street. She officially lives by herself but she’s always got somebody living there. If none of her kin people need the space, she’ll give it to somebody from her church or some organization that she’s working with or somebody. She doesn’t believe in the modern conveniences like dish washers and washing machines so she’s always cooking or cleaning or something and gets good use out of the big black kettle in her backyard. Not long ago I had the pleasure of sitting with a bunch of kids in Ms. Antoinette’s backyard and heard her tell a version of The ‘‘Rabbit and the Turtle” that sticks in my mind. Maybe there’s good reason to pass it on to you.

 

It was during the time when there was always a big ruckus in Africa where everybody lived. It was bad. Every time you’d step out of your house you was taking your life in your hands. It was so bad that bees were even stinging each other. Cats were jumping on dogs, and mice were just as quick to jump on cows and try to eat them up as to wait on a piece of cheese come along.

It got so bad that people started dying out because they couldn’t get to a place where they could eat or get the things they needed to build their houses or make their clothes or any of the things they needed just to get by. Some of the animals even started eating and drinking things that made them drunk or crazy so they would either forget about how bad things were or be able to work up the nerve to start a humbug with somebody in order to take advantage of them.

It was about the same time that human beings had figured out how to make bows and arrows strong enough that they could stand off way yonder and shoot the animals down before they so much as knew there was a hunter anywhere about. The situation got so bad that one day a yellow-tailed hummingbird tried to steal the sweetness out of Monk’s last ripe banana and then tried to beat Monk all upside the head with his little tiny wings when Monk caught the yellow-tailed thief doing his dirty work.

That was too much! That was the last straw! When monkeys can’t even be safe from hummingbirds, it’s a serious situation.

The monkey swallowed his pride and went calling on the lion. Old Monk was not one of Lion’s favorite people in the first place. The lion took every chance he could get to get even with the monkey ever since the time “that devilish monkey” had tricked the lion into a fight with the elephant and more or less gotten away with it. So Monk was very careful not to go by Lion’s house till he knew that Lion was weak from not eating right. Still Monk stayed up high enough in the tree so the lion could hear him talking but wouldn’t be able to get at him in case the lion took a notion to make a meal out of monkey meat. Monkey was also very careful not to tease or clown up on that branch, cause he remembered the terrible whipping that the lion had given him the time he was laughing at the lion because of the elephant fight and fell down to where the lion could get at him. It was not a pretty sight, I tell you, so Monk was real careful on this day because of his serious business.

“Hey Mr. Lion, things have gotten really bad around here. We need to talk.”

“Monkey, I ain’t had nothing to say to you since the time you lied to me about what the elephant said about my momma. The only thing I got to say to you is that the next time I catch you, it ain’t going to be enough of you left to put in the ground.”

“Aw, come on Brother Lion, you know a King of the Jungle ain’t supposed to carry no grudges. Besides we got some serious problems to work out. While I was out swinging through the jungle the other day looking for something good to eat I had to go to the base of the mountain way yonder and I saw some of those two-legged arrow shooters working this way.

“Then this morning a yellow-tailed hummingbird went upside my head because I caught him trying to steal all the sweet out of my last banana! If we don’t work out a way to help each other we’ll soon be in some serious trouble on this end of the jungle.”

“You’ve been in some serious trouble for a long time, Monk. I get mad just thinking about you.”

“You think we in trouble now, just wait till the hairless bow-and-arrow shooters get here.”

“Gr-r-r-r!”

“I know you’re the King and I played a little joke on you a little while back, and I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. . . . What’s the matter, King, can’t you take a little joke?”

“You call that a little joke! That elephant hurt me so bad I was laid up for three weeks. My hip was broken in three places. I still walk with a limp on this side.”

“I tell you what. After we get the animals to stop beating up on and killing each other, I’ll go to work for you for a whole month for free. But if we don’t take care of this fighting business soon, none of us will be left around here to do anything. We might even kill each other off before the no-haired arrow shooters get here.”

“You, little monkey, might be in trouble. I’m told that the hairless, two-legged bow-and-arrow shooters love monkey meat almost as much as I do, but they run in fear when I raise my mighty roar.”

“Now that they have those arrow shooters, they won’t have to be afraid of your roar. They’ll be able to shoot you down before you’re close enough for you to even smell them. I think we need to have a meeting to figure out what we can do before we all kill each other. You, Brother Lion, are the only one that everyone respects enough. If you called a meeting, everyone would come.”

“Gr-r-r-r.”

Ananse the Spider, who was able to change his size and shape was hanging around from his fresh new spun web listening to the argument between the lion and the monkey. “Hello, Oh Mighty King of all the Animals, you look particularly powerful today.”

“What? Who dares disturb me while I stalk this worthless sack of monkey bones?”

“It’s only me, your honor, Ananse the Spider, your humble servant. How are you today. Brother Monk?”

“I’m worried, Brother Ananse. There’s hardly any food to be found anywhere, the hairless, two-legged arrow shooters are closing in on us, all the animals on this end of the forest are fighting each other, and Brother Lion here won’t help me call a meeting so we can work out a way to do something about this awful situation —just because he’s mad about a little trick I pulled on him a while back.”

“Yes, I heard. It’s a bad situation when even the polite little yellow-tailed hummingbird thinks he can beat up on a monkey.”

“You heard about that, huh? Look, he left about ten little hickies on my head. It still hurts!”

“When I get hold of you, you’ll have no head to have hickies on!”

“Oh yes, dear King, Monkey was cruel and thoughtless in the trick he played on you. I think he deserves your wrath, but I also think he’s right about the need for a council of all the animals in the jungle because it’s worse even than the monkey thinks it is.”

“Worse! What do you mean Kwaku Ananse?”

“This morning I was flying over by the pass that the hairless two-leggeds used to get through the mountains. They have already begun to build a city there, and they’ve built a dam to trap the water there for themselves. Because of that dam, the river that has flowed through here since before either of our grandfathers’ grandfathers’ grandfathers could remember is already slowed to a muddy little stream and soon will be stopped altogether.

“Yes, oh mighty King of the Jungle, the situation is very grave. In fact, King Lion, Sir, I saw one of the hunters wearing the skin of a lion for a coat. Oh, King Lion, it was a beautiful golden brown mane too.”

“Truly beautiful?”

“Only slightly less beautiful than your own, Sir. It had a dark brown streak down the center —”

“With bright golden streaks on either side of the dark brown?”

“Bright golden streaks. Yes!”

“And soft white fur around the ears?”

“Yes, Your Majesty, how did you know?”

“It’s my favorite cousin, Harold. I’d know him anywhere. This is terrible! What shall we do? What shall we do?”

“If there’s anything I can’t stand it’s a wimpy lion king,” the monkey muttered under his breath.

“What’s that you say?” roared the lion.

“I said —”

“Mr. Monkey is grieved by the loss of your cousin, King. He said he can’t stand the sight of a grieving king,” Ananse cast a disapproving glare at the loose-lipped monkey before going on. “He is so overwhelmed by strong emotion that he can think of nothing sensible to say, but if you would authorize him to do so, I’m sure he’d be glad to spread the word that you’d like for all the animals in the jungle to meet to help you figure out what to do about this bad situation.”

“You say the hairless, two-legged, arrow shooter was wearing my cousin’s pelt as a trophy?”

“Yes, Your Majesty. And he was a rather smallish fellow too. He didn’t do the beautiful lion’s skin justice at all, if I must say so.”

“Let there be a meeting this very night! Monk, you spread the word. But mind you, this is not the end of your troubles with me. It’s just a truce until we solve this problem.”

“Oh good, Your Majesty, but if I may make a small suggestion, Sir.”

“Yes, go on Ananse.”

“If you held the meeting just before sunset tomorrow it would give us more time to spread the word, and those animals who don’t do too well in the daytime like the owl and the mole would be able to be here, and those who are afraid to be out at night would still be able to get home before dark.”

“What a bright idea, Ananse. So let it be.”

When everyone came to the meeting the next night, they were all armed to the teeth. Ananse took charge of the seating arrangements. When the meeting started, they still eyed each other with great suspicion. The Lion said, “Friends, I have been worried for some time about the way you have been fighting among each other. What do you think we should do about this problem?”

Everyone started talking at once. No one would take responsibility for anything they were doing. “It ain’t my fault if I kill somebody for trying to steal my food.” “It ain’t my fault if I kick you out for trying to steal my house.” “It ain’t my fault, you tried to take all the water.”

“You did this . . .”

“You did that!”

“It ain’t my fault, Oh, it ain’t my fault!”

“Gr-r-r-oar-r-r! All I can hear above all the noise in here is that it ain’t my fault. Yesterday I received the most disturbing news that the hairless, two-legged hunters have set up a new city near the foot of the mountain. They’ve built a dam so they can keep all the water to themselves, and they’ve got weapons that let them kill before they get close enough for you to smell them. If we don’t find a way to work together, we’ll destroy ourselves before the hunters get here.”

“That’s true,” said Ms. Turtle, “The river has begun to dry up already.”

“I for one see no problem,” said the Jack Rabbit. “I can take care of myself and don’t need help from anyone here. I’m the fastest something-or-other here. In fact, I’m leaving here now. If you don’t believe I’m leaving, just count the days I’m gone.”

“You may be fast of foot and quick of the lip, but your brain is slipping gears. What about the river? Mr. Rabbit is one of those who won’t miss the water till the well runs dry.”

“I don’t need a brain to beat you, Turtle. I could beat you on one foot running backwards. I know where more water is and I won’t tell you.”

Seeing that she had the opportunity to teach everyone a lesson, the turtle said, “Our problem has nothing to do with how fast you are or how slow I am. Lion is right. If we’d all cooperate with each other, we could warn each other when the two-leggeds are near. We could stop them from tearing up the forest and make it a better place for all of us to live in. But you don’t see that or perhaps even worse, you don’t seem to care. I think the Jack Rabbit is a fool. To prove the point, I challenge him to a race around the lake.”

“Ha! What madness is this? The turtle has taken leave of her senses! There’s no way that she could beat me in a race.”

“Not only will I win I will beat you seven times in one race.”

“Such a silly riddle,” the rabbit scoffed.

“Do you accept my challenge or not?”

“Of course I will take your senseless challenge.”

Turning to the others at the meeting Turtle said, “Not only will I beat him but I will teach a lesson on the importance of unity. Let us meet here tomorrow at the same time to see who will win the race.”

That evening Ms. Turtle called a meeting of her family.

“My dear family,” she said. “This race affects all of us. If I win, it will bring honor to our family name and help us draw everyone closer together to better face the problems we have. If I lose, it will disgrace our family name and weaken our efforts to solve our problems. Please help me to win this race.”

They spent the evening going over the course of the race that had been laid out in the meeting and making a plan. The next day at the appointed hour Ms. Turtle quietly ambled up to the starting line of the race. Mr. Rabbit bounced and bragged about how badly he was going to beat the turtle. “Ms. Turtle, you’re headed on a senseless journey. When will you quit this race?”

Ms. Turtle quietly smiled and answered, “Not until I’ve been disgraced. Not until I’ve been disgraced.” After all the ceremonies were said and done, the lion took his seat on one side of the Start/Finish Line and nodded to Mr. Bear and Bear said, “Are you ready? Get set! Go!”

Rabbit set out hopping furiously on one foot. Turtle, with determination, went as fast as she could. Rabbit made it around the first turn and could no longer see Ms. Turtle and the crowd. He stopped hot dogging and started walking like a hip cat. “You got to give yourself time to smell the flowers,” he thought. He couldn’t resist stopping in at Mama Bear’s garden to get some of her delicious vegetables. When he went hopping on down the road, Ms. Turtle was nowhere in sight, but as he strolled around the next bend in the road there she was humping along.

“So you thought you could come sneaking by while I was getting a little refreshment. Well, I’m sorry Ms. Turtle but I’m going to leave you coughing in the dust again. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!” And off he went.

As Mr. Rabbit went hopping hurriedly for the next turn, Ms. Turtle toddled over into the lake and swam quickly over to the last turn in the road before the finish line. In their meeting the night before they’d made arrangements for six of her relatives who looked just like Ms. Turtle to swim from the starting line to different spots along the trail around the lake.

“When you hear Mr. Rabbit coming ‘hippitty-hop-hop, hibbity-hop-hop’ along the trail toward you, just step out on the road and take up my place in the race. If he asks you, ‘When will you quit this race?’ each of you must answer, ‘Not until I’ve been disgraced.’ When he has passed you by, quickly swim back to the finish line. In this way he will be racing against all of us and since we can swim faster than he can run we will be seven times the victors.”

Ms. Turtle’s plan worked. Each time Mr. Rabbit passed a turtle he found another diversion. Each time he became more frantic as he discovered that Ms. Turtle seemed to have overtaken him again. When he finally made the last turn sure that he had passed Ms. Turtle for the last time, he started strutting when he heard the roar of the crowd gathered near the finish line. He turned around and went into his one-foot hop. The crowd roared even louder but did not seem to be roaring at him.

Rabbit had to squench up his eyes to see that they were cheering for a shiny wet turtle striding determinedly for the finish line. Rabbit laid his ears back and raced for the last opportunity to catch up, but the turtle was completely across the line before the breathless rabbit could catch her.

“We have a winner” the lion roared. “In fact we have seven of them.”

As you can imagine Mr. Rabbit was thoroughly embarrassed. Here, he of all people, the fleetest of all the animals in the forest was beat in a race by the lowly turtle — in front of everyone! It was dreadful. There were many jokes made at the rabbit’s expense.

After the cheering was all over and done with, Ms. Turtle and her family explained how she and her family planned to cooperate to beat Rabbit in the race. From that day forward the animals in the forest learned how to live in flocks and herds and gaggles and prides. Some birds would scratch the elephants backs and peck the crocodiles teeth. Some would watch and call out a warning when danger came near.

Oh, fights would still break out from time to time and the lion is still not satisfied and the monkey’s still signifying. But the hairless, two-legged bow and arrow shooters didn’t wipe out everybody in the forest . . . at least not yet.